Thursday, July 6, 2017

The Hacks of Gorm, Part XVIII: Against the Masters of Equalitarianism!

Gorm heaved his mighty head around with barbaric determination, whipping the Boas Constrictor along with it. The monster’s oversized dwarf head began to stretch its serpent body further and further out with the increasing centrifugal force.

“Hold sssssssssssssssstill!” it hissed. “I sssssssssssssimply need to Reshape Your Cranium in order to grant you Intellectual Freedom!”

Gorm would have none of it though and only spun around faster. He knew what ‘Intellectual Freedom’ meant to an Equalitarian fiend like this.

Guessing his plan, Gottschalk ducked just before the Boas Constrictor flew through the air into the cultists on the other side of the classroom. It roared with a vehemence that made him shiver, despite the fact that he was not the current target of its wrath.

No sooner had it impacted with the cultists though, when two others burst in. One was the hulking but effeminate gymnasium tutor they had seen before. The other was the magic tutor who they had heard hating Salpinx so: the Great Witch, J. Kary-Rotter!

“By the Might of Gay-skill!” began the hulking one. He held up what looked to be a rod, though it was perverse in its design, and a strange rainbow light began to surround him.

“I... HAVE... NO... GENDER!!!” he finished, yelling and waving the lewd rod around, his voice echoing strangely upon the walls.

Most of his clothing unfortunately vanished then, leaving behind only a rainbow loincloth and small patches upon his nips.

Gorm turned to Gottschalk- perhaps this was another ‘Zie’?

Before they could react though, J. Kary-Rotter spoke next, gesticulating fervently. “Magicus Killus You-us, Amaranthine Scum-us!”

Gottschalk had hoped that her magic speech, that for which she had received so much fame, would have been more impressive, when suddenly, strange whirling objects began to surround him. He blocked one with his pick, only to be cut by another from behind. They seemed to scream in support of the witch as they spun.

Having had enough, Gorm roared. He hurled his great axe at He-woman and rushed forward, throwing desks and chairs at the Boas Constrictor and the cultists still on the floor.

The hulking person blocked the axe with his/her obscene weapon, saying only: “I’ll ram this battle-rod into you now, sweetheart!”

Gorm’s face went pale, ducked the attack, and smashed He-woman in the gut. He/she yelled out in pain and Gorm flung him/her back into the pile of desks, chairs, cultists, and the Boas Constrictor with a resulting CRASH.

He-woman’s enchanted rod lay on the floor, but Gorm hadn’t the stomach to pick it up. Instead, he grabbed his great axe again and raced to the pile. He knew he had to act fast: there were already sounds of others at the door!

Across the room, J. Kary-Rotter smiled cruelly as her blood fans closed in on Gottschalk, slicing into him with their sharp metal blades. Try as he might, he could not defeat them.

His mind raced. Finally, he had an idea.

“I would wager you’d like to do this to Captain Salpinx, eh?”

The witch cackled. “Oh yes, the power has really gone to his head! Why can’t he just be silent and noble in the face of all his False Statements?”

“Good point,” replied Gottschalk. “And why can’t you do that?”

He grinned at the witch’s distraction. He then made a feint against one of the fans, but ducked, and it flew past him into her. She screamed and the others followed, almost as if they were seeking blood from the one that had misled them for so long.

Gorm laid into He-woman, hacking through the person’s muscular but soft form. Strange, rainbow-colored blood flew everywhere as he/she shrieked in pain. It had the unpleasant scent of fish too and Gorm felt weak.

The Boas Constrictor arose finally then.

A few of the cultists arose with it, though from the look of the many bleeding and crushed forms still upon the floor, the others had borne the brunt of the monster’s wrath.

“It looks like you helped your minions find their Intellectual Freedom too- haven’t you, monster?” goaded Gottschalk.

“I am no monster: Race is only a SSSSSSSSSSSSocial Construct!” it hissed.

“Good then,” laughed Gottschalk. “We’re just like you, so we’ll be going now...”

“Oh, no you don’t!” yelled J. Kary-Rotter, arising from her many fan-wounds. “You will pay for what you’ve done, Salpinx-lover! Beg for forgiveness for your Human Privilege or we will Expose You!”

Gottschalk smiled grimly and turned as the Boas Constrictor slithered closer, venom dripping from its golden fangs.

It glared and hissed. “Race is only a SSSSSSSSSSSSocial Construct when we sssssssssssay it is!”



Next week: The Hacks of Gorm, Part XIX!

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